What the Heart Can't Say
by WitlessFool
Summary: Only blood will tell. An AU of what transpired after the events of chapter 82. May contain spoilers. Ruka x Akatsuki ONE-SHOT COMPLETE


**Disclaimer:** Vampire Knight is a creation of Matsuri Hino. I am merely a fan.

**Spoiler alert:** Set after the events of Chapter 82, this is an AU of what transpired in Chapter 83. Don't get me wrong, I loved it! This is just something my mind came up with while waiting for Chapter 83 to come out. Exams just finished so I've only now been able to write this all down. Took the liberty of lifting some quotes from the manga.

Hope you like it.

* * *

**What the Heart Can't Say ... Only Blood Will Tell**

_You protected him, and betrayed me... And so, the road ends here..._

...

_I... understand..._

And in a way, she did. Understand, that is. Lying there on the frost bitten ground, Ruka Souen knew it was truly all over. Her heart had never been in it but at the time, she thought it had been the right thing to do. In that dark chamber deep inside the Kuran manor, she had gazed upon the vampire lord that she had once loved and felt nothing but pity. He was alone. So utterly alone in this cruel world where he was burdened to be king. Even the princess he had held with so much tenderness in the circle of his arms was – to him – a hindrance.

The road he wanted to embark on was long and dangerous. And it went against everything Ruka was raised up to believe in.

Yet, despite all this, she decided to become his accomplice.

"Ruka!"

The strong arms that encircled her tightened their hold just a little. Ruka breathed in and smelt that familiar masculine blend of cinnamon and ember. Akatsuki Kain. Distant cousin. Childhood friend. And the steady protector who has been by her side through it all. Ruka didn't know what she would have done in the past months if he hadn't been there for her.

_But ... I don't want you, of all people, to worry about me. _

"Ruka, open your eyes," his voice sounded urgent with just a hint of restrained panic underneath. "Come on, stay with me. Ruka!"

She wanted to obey. She wanted to look him in the eyes and tell him not to worry and that she was fine. But she was tired and her side was in agony.

All of a sudden, the scent of blood – someone else's, not hers – wafted through the air. Before she could puzzle over it, she felt Akatsuki shift her in his arms.

"Come on, Ruka." Her head came to a rest on his broad shoulder. The scent of blood was much stronger now. "Drink."

"Akatsuki?" She fought to open her eyes and found herself pressed up against his neck. A small trail of blood was trickling down his neck. "No, I can't –"

"You need the blood." There was no room for argument in his voice.

Despite her reluctance, she found her eyes fixated on the blood. He had already done so much for her. She didn't want to burden him any more than she already had.

_Sorry Akatsuki ... just once more, please lend me your strength ..._

With those final thoughts, Ruka blindly sought the cut that Akatsuki had made. She sank her teeth in, took her first sip –

And entered his mind.

* * *

Dimly, in the back of her mind, she was aware that she was physically still there, curled up on the ground in the comfort of his arms. Akatsuki's blood trickled into her mouth and slid smoothly down her throat. She couldn't really describe its taste. All she could gather were impressions: of cinnamon, falling autumn leaves and a breaking dawn. And she felt incredibly warm and comfortable, like she was being lulled to sleep in front of an open fireplace.

If she could, she wanted this feeling to last forever.

But something was tugging at her. It was dark and she didn't know where she was going, but the compulsion was too strong. She could feel herself being pulled away but she didn't want to go. But, unable to delay the inevitable, she gave up all resistance and followed the lure.

Someone caught her.

She glanced up and was met with a pair of amber eyes. Of course, it was to be expected. Dependable as always, Akatsuki had shown up at her side. Together, with her in the protective circles of his arms, the two of them fell. Snatches of his memories flashed by them but they were going too fast for Ruka to pick up anything in particular.

Then, finally, their feet touched something solid.

Ruka took a step back and looked around. They were standing in a brightly lit corridor. The walls were painted a deep russet brown. The carpet underneath her bare feet was soft and pale white. It looked strangely familiar and it took her a few moments to realize one of the wings in Akatsuki's family home was decorated just like it.

She looked back at Akatsuki and found he was still gazing down at her. He hadn't said a word but she found his silence disconcerting. This was different from his usual solemness and Ruka wasn't sure if she liked the change.

The corridor stretched out as long as the eye could see. There were tall wooden doors lined up along both walls, all of them open. Voices and noises escaped into the hallway, combining together to form a muted cacophony of sound. Intrigued, Ruka started walking and a few steps later, the sound of a second pair of footsteps followed hers.

She stopped at the first door that she came to and peeked inside. It opened up to an old-fashioned study room. Tall bookshelves – reaching the top of the ceiling – lined the walls. There were a couple of couches tucked away in the corner of the room. An elaborate chandelier was hanging down, illuminating the room with its light. In the centre of the room was a long mahogany study table.

She remembered this room now. This was their childhood classroom.

A little Akatsuki and Hanabusa were seated at the study table. Hanabusa had a thick textbook in his small hands. Undoubtedly the brightest, he was already completing university standard lessons by that age.

"Now look at what you've done," Akatsuki turned in his chair to stare disapprovingly at his cousin.

"Don't blame me," Hanabusa hissed back at him as he flipped through the textbook. "She's the one who's crazy."

The small redhead boy then swung his gaze towards the open doorway and stared straight at Ruka. Shocked at the direct eye contact, Ruka took a small step back away from the room. It was strange, even at that age, Akatsuki's eyes were so solemn and serious. _Had she ever noticed that before?_

"Ruka?" Akatsuki called out.

She was startled, uncertain as to how to respond. But then she noticed herself. Akatsuki wasn't staring at her but rather a smaller, child version of her. The little Ruka was walking away from the table, with slumped shoulders and bowed heads. She wondered what made her so sad that day.

The little Ruka paused mid-stride and glanced over her shoulder at Akatsuki.

"Is this really important to you?" He asked gently.

The little girl shrugged, trying to appear casual but it was obvious she was miserable. "I don't like it when sensei picks on me."

Akatsuki nodded and without saying a word, slid out of his seat and went to join her.

Stepping away from the door, Ruka turned and looked at her companion. Akatsuki had the same solemn eyes as he had so many years ago. He was leaning against the opposite wall with his hands tucked into his front pockets.

"I remember this," Ruka smiled as she thought back. "Nagano-sensei had just started giving me cooking lessons and I was terrible at it. I wanted you two to tag along but Hanabusa refused because you guys had to prepare for your lesson." Yet Akatsuki went with her anyway. "And we ended up having a great time."

Akatsuki's grave gaze did not change.

Excited at what else she would find in his mind, she hurried down the hallway. Each door led to another snippet of memory. Most of them were happy memories of their childhood. A _lot_ of them involved Hanabusa and her fighting with Akatsuki playing the peacekeeper. But there were also plenty of doors that only contained memories of just the two of them. A darkened room with lightning flashing in the window outside, and her covering underneath the covers of his bed. A dazzling ballroom where the two of them practiced and practiced, trying to perfect the waltz for their first soiree.

And then, there were just some weird rooms.

"Wait, isn't that the hallway of _my_ house?" Ruka wondered out loud as she stopped in front of one of the doors.

Akatsuki stopped behind her, still not uttering a word.

The trio in the memory couldn't have been more than ten years old. The hem of her dress was torn and Hanabusa's pants were stained with dried mud. Akatsuki, despite his untucked shirt, was the only one who was spotless.

But that wasn't what caught Ruka's attention.

Her mother was staring down at the three of them in a very scary manner.

Her hands were on her hips – something she only does when she's angry or wants something. She was leaning forward so that she could see them eye-to-eye. Her head was tilted, as if she was trying to figure something out. Her eyes were narrowed and her gaze was very _very_ intense.

"Well," she beamed at the three of them. "How was your play date?"

The three little ones gazed at each other nervously.

"Anything exciting happen?" Her mother wanted to know. "Any little accidents? Or fights? Or _bonding sessions_?" She put extra emphasis on the last option.

"Might as well tell her," Akatsuki whispered to the other two. They nodded sullenly. Parents had a knack for smelling out trouble. Akatsuki sighed and cleared his throat, "Well, there was one small dispute."

"Really?" If it was at all possible, her mother's head tilted even further to the left.

Trying to be diplomatic, Akatsuki gave out the details. "Ruka wanted to go play on the swing set but Hanabusa insisted on finishing his sandcastle. So Ruka destroyed his sandcastle and the two," he tried to think of a suitable word before settling for, "tussled."

"Uh-huh..." Her mother nodded her head furiously. Then, she directed her attention to the two silent kids next to Akatsuki. "What do you guys have to say about it?"

Unable to hold in his resentment any longer, Hanabusa exploded in rage. "She started it!"

Ruka turned to her left and glared at the blonde idiot. "You were the one who didn't want to play on the swing set!"

"It's a silly childish game!"

"Oh, and playing in the sand isn't?"

"For the last time, it's research!"

"Awww," her mother crooned with delight as she looked at the two of them. "You two are so cute together!"

The two kids stared at her with horror.

"I hate him!"

"Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual, dumb Ruka!"

"I will hate you forever and ever and ever and ever!" Ruka huffed with indignation, her face all flushed from the shouting match. She thought about it for a minute. "Times infinity!" She added triumphantly.

"You sure, sweetie?" Her mother crouched down and leaned in really close. Their noses were practically touching. "You know what they say, there's a thin line between love and hate."

With the adrenaline from the fight fading fast, Ruka was once again caught in the strange whirpool that was her mother. Instinctively, Ruka shuffled a few steps to her right and sidled up against Akatsuki, clutching his arm like a lifeline. She had never seen her mother like this before and she wasn't sure how to deal with it.

And it was clear that Akatsuki had no idea what to do either. His aunt was usually gentle, smiling and easy-going. But Ruka was practically shaking beside him and he wanted to comfort her. Maybe if he pretended it was no big deal, Obasan won't take notice of it. Decision made, Akatsuki reached over with his right arm (the left was in captivity for the moment) and gingerly patted Ruka on the shoulder.

Then the strangest thing happened.

Her mother leaned back, straightened up as a beaming smile broke across her face. "Well, that settles it. They had been suspecting this for weeks now but I just had to see it with my own eyes." She ruffled Ruka's hair playfully and began dancing up the grand staircase. "I can't wait to tell your father. And your parents too, Akatsuki," she added over her shoulder. "This is so exciting!"

As her mother's excited voice disappeared up the stairs and down the hallway, the three kids remained where they stood, staring at each other with confusion written all over their faces. Ruka wasn't sure if it was safe to let go of Akatsuki yet so she clung on.

"What just happened?" Hanabusa wondered out loud.

Back to the present, Ruka took a step back from the doorway in horror. Squeezing her eyes shut, she cringed as she thought back to that time. Oh goodness, everything made sense now. "Our parents can be so embarrassing, can't they?" Opening her eyes, she asked her silent partner. "Us? Together? Really?"

Akatsuki glanced down at her and his face cracked into a smile.

Ruka looked at him with fascination. It's been awhile since she had seen him smile. Ever since the collapse of the Moon Dormitory, he had been like he is now – a solemn silent presence by her side. And for him to smile like he's doing now – that big genuine smile that showed his teeth and crinkled the outer edges of his eyes. How long had it been?

Too long, Ruka decided as they continued walking again. He looked so ... good when he smiled, she realized with a blush. It was almost as if she was looking at him with a fresh pair of eyes.

As they progressed down the hallway, the distance between the doors lengthened. They were now grown up and attending the Academy. The settings had changed, and they – Hanabusa, Akatsuki and herself – had changed along with it. Hanabusa had his throngs of fangirls. Akatsuki had trouble adjusting to the new dress codes before he gave up and went back to his old habits.

And herself?

She frowned as she looked critically at herself through Akatsuki's memories.

Was she really that sullen back then? Brushing aside fans' attentions. Mocking Hanabusa for his antics. Looking down at the Prefects with disdain. Hating Kaname-sama's fan girls with every fibre of her being. Looking into the past, Ruka felt thoroughly horrible.

And yet...

Through his eyes, she didn't appear so. She was graceful and charming, not to mention fearlessly loyal. And if she appeared cold and aloof, it was only because those people didn't know her well enough. What's more, her eyes were always warm. And they strayed – all the time – to their dorm leader Kaname-sama.

_Your gaze when you look at him is still just as beautiful as ever..._

When that sentence came into her mind, Ruka came to the realization. This corridor... and the memories they contain...

"They're all about me," she murmured. "Aren't they?"

She looked up at Akatsuki, who was still by her side.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She demanded.

Yet Akatsuki remained silent.

That was when she noticed another door. It was right at the end of the corridor. It, unlike all the other doors that they had come across, was closed.

"Akatsuki?" She asked, turning back to look at her companion.

But he was gone.

Bracing herself, Ruka opened the door and walked in.

It turned out to reveal nothing more than just another corridor with its own series of doors. But this, Ruka knew, was different. This was the corridor of the Moon Dormitory.

And there he was, leaning by the door leading to Kaname-sama's rooms. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a hard frown on his face. Ruka didn't think she had ever seen him look like that before. Sure, Akatsuki was usually serious and solemn, but this was a definite frown. Was this another memory? What had him so troubled?

"Akatsuki?" She approached him. "What's wrong?"

He appeared to not have heard her.

"Akatsuki?"

Just then, the door was pulled open with enough force that it slammed into the wall. Yuuki-sama, or at least, a young version of her, came darting out of the room and without noticing Akatsuki or Ruka, went running down the corridor.

Akatsuki sighed as he straightened up and went through the opened door.

"Akatsuki?" She asked as she trailed in after him.

Again, he didn't appear to hear her. Instead, he looked into the room and spoke out. "Kaname-sama."

The vampire lord was seated by the large window at the back of the room. And in his arms was herself, collapsed from the lack of blood. This happened just a few days before the Night Class began, Ruka remembered as she stood there, a silent spectator to what transpired after she fainted.

"I did," Kaname-sama said woodenly. "Something unfair to Ruka."

Akatsuki sighed as he approached the window. "No, you didn't. This is what Ruka wished for. Even if she could not drink your blood in return, she still wished to give you hers."

He leaned down and gathered up Ruka's limp form into his arms. He cradled her gently and gazed down at her with an indecipherable expression. Then, he looked back up at their leader. "Kaname-sama, I don't mean to say that I want you to reciprocate her feelings. But if in the future you end up causing her unhappiness... then I will not forgive you."

And he didn't, Ruka thought as she followed Akatsuki out of the room and down the corridor. He was absolutely furious when she got hurt. Ruka didn't think she had ever seen him that angry before. Not even Hanabusa's incessant bugging only managed to draw out mild annoyance from the tall redhead.

They ended up in her room and Ruka watched as he laid her down gently onto the bed.

"You're an idiot, you know," Akatsuki murmured as he continued to play with her curls. "And so am I." Then, he had leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. The expression in his gaze was so sad and forlorn.

And something inside Ruka's heart broke.

_Even though we both know that our loved ones will never so much as look our way, we can't erase that small something within us that continues to hope in vain. _

* * *

When Ruka next opened her eyes, it took awhile for her to realize she was back to reality.

She was lying under the covers in a bed, staring up at the white ceilings above. Blinking, she raised a hand to her eyes to rub away the sleep and it came away wet. It was only then that she took notice of the tears streaming down her face.

"Akatsuki?" She murmured out loud. The trip down memory lane made her rethink her entire life up to this point. Why had she never seen it?

"Ruka?" That familiar voice, throaty from disuse, came from her left.

Glancing over, she noticed Akatsuki was sitting by the bedside. He looked like he had just woken up and judging by the haggard expression on his face, it's obvious that he hadn't left her side at all.

"How long?" She asked.

"You've been out for over a day now," Akatsuki said as he came over to sit down at the edge of the bed. He reached down to wipe away some of her tears. But his warm touch only managed to trigger more tears to spill over.

"That's not what I meant," she insisted as she sat up to glare at him. "How long?"

He stared down at her, his gaze as warm as ever. At first she thought he wasn't going to say anything but at last, he opened his mouth and stated. "I... honestly can't remember." When Ruka opened her mouth to respond, he pressed on. "It's... always been there, I guess." He shrugged his shoulders, clearly uncomfortable with discussing this topic.

"Then why didn't you say anything?" She demanded.

"I didn't," he hesitated. "Want anything to change. You were halfway in love with Kaname-sama before we even met him. If I told you, things would have been different. Maybe we'd be awkward with each other. Maybe you'd just turn me down. Even if anything were to happen between us, we'd both know that I was your second choice." Akatsuki met her gaze head-on. "And that's something I don't think I can accept."

It was then that her heart, which had been slowly falling with each step she took down Akatsuki's memory lane, tumbled clean.

"Akatsuki," Ruka reached over and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. He was her childhood friend and constant companion. He had always been there for her and she had always appreciated that fact about him. And she knew that she wanted this – _thing_ – between them to last forever. Maybe it had been love all along and she had never realized it before. But she was sure of it now.

And that was all that mattered.

_Kaname-sama, that road you walk... I can no longer follow..._

Ruka tightened her hold on Akatsuki and ordered him. "Hold me."

Slowly, with a hesitance that almost broke her heart, Akatuski's arms came around her waist. She sighed with content as she snuggled closer to him. This felt nice, she decided, and was something she definitely could get used to.

"I know what you're thinking," she murmured. "But this has nothing to do with your feelings and everything to do with mine. I'm not placating you or consoling myself. This is definitely what I want and although I'm scared," she admitted. "I want us to find out what the future will bring. Together."

"Are you sure, Ruka?" Akatuski asked and Ruka heard all the emotions he had kept carefully hidden all these years bubbling underneath the surface, ready to spill over.

She tilted her head back to look up at him. "When am I not sure?"

_I would like to walk my own path now... with Akatsuki by my side... Together, we'll find a path out of this darkened forest..._

And for the first time in a long time, Ruka Souen smiled.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Not 100% happy with it. But getting it out of my head and down onto the screen was always going to be messy to begin with. As it stands, I'm just relieved that it's done. :) I'm going back to Carpe Diem now (yes, I haven't forgotten about it!).

Once again, hope you liked it,

Witless Fool


End file.
